just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
