this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
should my penis look like a turkey
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
