I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
