we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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