It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
