peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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