Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm just crazy horny about you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
