I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
