why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this is an emotional support booty call
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
