Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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