i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
