my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They have beer where we have blood.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
