we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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