She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
