why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize