I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
