i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
