Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
