He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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