My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.