Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
