My nipple is on Facebook.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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