Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
