every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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