I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
