i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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