I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
