Only a mothe r could love this liver
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you win again, gameday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
