Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
