I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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