He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
as a side note pls kill me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
