then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
