Barsexuality is the new black.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
