The maid of honor just puked.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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