I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my phone needs a breathalizer
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
