You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
