bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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