My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
