one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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