it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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