Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
