Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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