I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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