By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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