She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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