I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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