I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
