So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
