'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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