Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
