I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
