Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
