Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
