How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
