You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
