"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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