One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
