Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize