I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
high people should be assigned attendants
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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