well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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