to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
