I wanna bring you to show and tell
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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